The old days of you show me yours and I’ll show you mine has long since dissipated into a careless memory, but not a memory you ever forget!
Historically, sexual material has been distributed by means of: drawings, photographs, and videos.
Enter the internet and advancement of electronic devices, making games of fast sexual exchanges all too easy. Sending dick flicks or pussy pics to your partner, spouse or romantic prospect is just a click away. Often, we forget, that once it’s out there, there’s no going back through a digital device to un-send it.
If the receiver, for whatever reason, has the presence of mind to save the image, it may be shared as revenge porn when the relationship goes south…Antarctic South! Equally, your private moments could be shared immediately. We can be lured into a false sense of security and trust though texting banter, and suddenly the guy you barely know has a bad case of testosterone poisoning, or is out on the drink and, wanting to impress his mates, proudly exhibits photos of your private bits for all to see. Here we can relate to the I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, but it’s now about peer pressure and who has the most to brag about, not a simple a boy or girl wanting a cheeky sexual sneak peek.
And OK… I have to admit, as a girl I have, on occasion, shared or shown juicy pics of a romantic interest to other friends. It can be fun and make you feel sexy, and if other friends are sharing, surely there’s no harm in a little “show and tell” between girlfriends… You can’t expect to have complete confidence in whoever you’re sending pics to, especially when there’s raging emotions ignited.
The solution to revenge porn and pressure porn
There are three ways I can think of to safeguard yourself whilst sexting to safeguard your social and digital reputation.
Firstly… Destroy all known electronic devices! A little extreme, but it will keep you off social media and impulsively sharing private images. We live in a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with instant gratification. Craving likes, followers and attention from complete strangers. People who are “insta-famous” will unlikely be remembered for their social media posts when they die, they will just fade into digital oblivion. Work on being present and give your attention to what is real in this word, rather than disappearing into some self-serving virtual-reality.
Secondly… Keep your clothes on! Be subtle. I’m not saying you have to be rugged up for Antarctic climates, but learn the art of tactfully creating sexy pics without opening yourself up for the world to see (pun intended). Wear a bikini, lingerie or simply cover your private bits a little, with the suggestion that more can be seen when you meet up with your sexting buddy. Be creative about what you wear and where your hand is or where finger is pointing to and the text you send with it. Words can be a strong tool for arousal – that is what the Sexty app is all about (coming soon) – The art of anticipation, and what cannot be seen, can often make your partner go wild with imagination.
Thirdly… Say no to head! Well, no to showing your head/face/identifiable tattoos or marks. Ensure there is no head-shot or clear way to distinguish whether the picture is actually you or just some clip art that you cut and pasted and passed off as yourself. Ask something like, “Do you think this is me?”. If you later find that it has been shared you always have a safety net. Deny, deny, deny. Or simply, take advantage of the abundant range of naughty pics the internet has readily available. The person who shares it might not be so willing to share it around once they realise they stupidly believed the photos they have were not of you. Then simply block them from all contact and continue living your sexy life.
In the old days you didn’t have to second guess where the image was coming from. It was in 3D, the real thing. You might have someone in front of you and if you asked nicely you could even touch it. It was all just a bit of fun, to satisfy your sexual curiosity.
The old way took some nerves to ask the boy or girl for a sneak peek of the private place. Generally, the place to view was also a little naughty: behind the woodshed or toilet block, in some long grass… somewhere private and exciting, knowing that at any time someone could find you up to no good. It was sensually arousing.
Today, with sexting photos, much of the fun has been taken out of sexual curiosity… no touching, no sound, just an image that may or may be not real… I don’t have time to start a rant on Photoshop and other ridiculous effects which stretch the truth. Afterall, what are we really sharing? It is only the naked human form, we don’t vary that much above and below the belt… so what is the fascination?
If you start chatting with someone who really wants a cheeky picture of you, let them know that you prefer sight, touch and sound. This should sort out the pretenders and the players… then you can make a time and place to meet… then decide if you’ll stand them up or through with it.
In conclusion, if are reading this and thinking about revenge porn, there’s an old saying that goes, “Let sleeping dogs lie”. Not only do you risk facing criminal charges by sharing private photos, or intimidation from ex-lovers etc., You’ll simply end up wasting your time with little reward. “The best way to get over a man is to get under another new one!”, this is my motto for overcoming nasty relationships. Leave the past where it belongs and get back to loving yourself… however that might be for you!
Have fun and play safe!